lina (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
younglegends) wrote2023-10-16 09:55 pm
younglegends) wrote2023-10-16 09:55 pm
[tv] hello, friend.
Hey guys did u know that ummm so much depends upon a red wheelbarrow glazed with rainwater beside the white chickens?
THE FIRST TIME
The first time we watched Mr. Robot was when it first came out in 2015. Lol. Hey guys remember 2015. And I was 19 and all of it bounced off me so hard and we unanimously decided to stop after finishing S1. Upon rewatching it's easy to understand why--that finale monologue like Pleaze... I still think the parts where Elliot blatantly becomes a mouthpiece are the weakest, but now even those speeches have become fond to me lol. Like... yeah? I now know these moments of edgy over-the-top cynicism to be earnest after all, understanding where the show is coming from, what it's tried to do, how in the end its characters were trying to reach one another and it's trying to reach us too. And I can't fault it for any of that, especially rewatching in 2023. The show has aged in that it's totally dated for being a product of the mid-to-late 2010s (at one point the phrase "Vine stars" was used lmaooo), in the sense that while so much of it is still true (or what it was warning against came true), at the same time parts of it were almost innocent in that how things are now is... I wanna say... worse in very specific ways that were not even imagined... After all, it finished airing in 2019, and we finished watching it at the end of 2019, right before the pandemic hit. Lol.
I've tried to rewatch Mr. Robot several times over the years but every time I would fall off at season 3, because I think season 3 is truly when shit starts hitting the fan and the show starts hitting you with the baseball bat of hopelessness. This time, I'm rewatching with my sister, and so we're making it to the end. Maybe it's hubristic of me to write this up before actually finishing (we're on episode 4x09) but I've really wanted to write out this post for a while. Anyway, now I can finally appreciate how this is a show meant to be rewatched. The first time was fun for the shocks and twists, the tension and suspense, the emotional revelations and the overarching mystery and not knowing what's going to happen. The second time is fun for... still those things lmao, but now seeing exactly how it all pieces together. But it's also accompanied by the crushing dread of knowing exactly what's going to happen. Like, in any given S1 scene, I would just be thinking: wow so many of these characters are dead. It feels almost like being complicit? Like when Elliot looks us in the eye and says "You wouldn't know more than me, would you? That wouldn't be fair." Most of all, though, after rewatching, I inevitably feel left hollow.
As with any time you revisit a beloved story, you're not the same person you were the first time; you're not in the same time at all. Like I said, we finished watching the first time in December 2019. Several things were beginning for us then. It's now October 2023. So much has changed and so much has not, which really amounts to not saying anything at all. I wouldn't really know how to. When I was 19 there was a lot I couldn't understand about the show; it wasn't for me. When I was 23 I thought I understood it a little better. I'm 27 now... what a strange feeling to look at it that way, that I'm now one of the adults I looked upon back then and couldn't understand. In this world I couldn't understand.
THE SECOND SEASON REVEAL
The other reveals are ultimately more impactful in that they were more shocking, more emotionally resonant, more relevant to our understanding of the characters, but I swear--nothing else in this show ever got me as hard as "Where do you think we are, Elliot?" It's obvious in hindsight, it's over-the-top, was it REALLY necessary or was it just forced to one-up the iconic S1 twist, blah blah blah... I don't care about any of that. My favourite thing about this twist is that it's the only one that Elliot purposely pulled on us. All the other reveals were plot twists because he was also kept in the dark, but he was always seeing what we were seeing, and what we discovered was what he discovered in real time. THIS one was a lie! He lied to us!!! Stunning 10/10 showstopping iconic we love you unreliable narrators who don't trust their audience/voyeur/imaginary friend.
I love the season's opening sequence for how it so clearly foreshadows everything (and I mean EVERYTHING); how Elliot retreats from the reality of his abuse and we're taken directly into his mind. Like wow OK you really straight-up told us everything right there. Also it just slays.
It makes sense that so many people drop off during S2 because it's slower, and information is overtly withheld from us which is very annoying, and S1 is so much more of the straightforward sell: a typical revolutionary hacker plot, that early sense of naive optimism and heroics, even the iconic S1 twist is like the most straightforward one in the whole show lol. And aside from the cliffhanger setting up S2, it wraps up nicely and coherently: "I just wanted to save the world." And then S2 is like, what the f is going on... the season of messy consequences, if you will. But I love that this show takes these characters and very consistently, very seriously devotes itself to how these characters would live with such things, with themselves. So yes I'm a fan of the season of Darlene struggling to figure out who she is in the scepter of Elliot's shadow, of Elliot struggling to figure out who he is between himself and Mr. Robot, of the beginning of ANGELA's descent, though then again wasn't she already doomed the instant she stepped into Phillip Price's world by the end of S1... more on this below.
ANGELA
Insert Mac Quayle 3.5_1-alittlepush.ktp dot mp3... almost cried when I heard this as the soundtrack to the singular Angela flashback, you know the one.
One of the saddest parts of rewatching Mr. Robot is knowing Angela's story is a tragedy. Watching it the first time, you could be convinced, by her own conviction. You could actually believe that she was transforming into something, that it was all leading somewhere. I'm split on her ending--on one hand, to an extent, I agree that there was nothing left for her, no way out, she would never have let it go, she would never have been safe. On the other hand... but what if there WAS a way out?? Angela's arc as a whole is fine, it pulls off a very clear tragic message about the manipulation and corruption of ideals, and yes her dying in the first two minutes of S4 very much sets the tone for the rest of the season, buuuuuuut like. I'm just saying. Surely there's a possible way she could have lived...... ok sorry
nobody is gonna watch this 5 minute contextless clip lmaooo but I wanted to put it here for myself anyway. Perfect needledrop, chilling 2 minute dead-eyed monologue, LOOKS LIKE THE POWER'S BACK ON.............. Favourite episode ending ever of all time. Angela really had me going for a while there. But I guess it was really Whiterose who had Angela going... lol.
Anyway I found it very sad on rewatch that what I chalked up to simply be friends drifting apart on first watch wasn't the only thing going on, it was also that this Elliot literally wasn't the one she grew up with, and he didn't go to the museum when he was in crisis because that was her and Elliot's hiding place when they were kids and he wasn't her Elliot, he didn't have the same hiding place... Like I'm inconsolable? ALSO, Darlene living in Angela's apartment after her death, holding her ballet shoes, like are you fucking kidding me. Also quietly devastated by Angela hanging out with Shayla in S1. Couldn't help but notice all the times in S1/2 Elliot ignores Angela, doesn't answer her call, doesn't let her in... you feel it's almost justified the first time through because surely she isn't a part of this, surely she doesn't need to be, she wouldn't understand, it's for her own sake. But now I keep thinking, maybe if he and Darlene had let her in on this, things could have turned out differently... it's not like she doesn't find out soon enough anyway, it's not like she doesn't get involved in worse. Maybe they didn't think her capable of it, maybe we wouldn't have either, maybe she herself didn't even realize until she was in it, episode 3x05 staring down Elliot in the empty ransacked office, wordless and guilty with her eyes streaming and pepper-sprayed and mascara-smeared. I feel like all Angela's character did was surprise me, over and over and over.
Also, something I noticed in particular on rewatch was how there were two characters who were susceptible to certain cults, who had arcs of being indoctrinated, used, and spat out, first by capitalism, second by Whiterose, and the parallel is pretty clear imo, between Angela and:
TYRELL
I've always found the weakest part of this show to be Tyrell Wellick. Me watching Mr. Robot in 2023 groaning at all his scenes but still there's a part of me that's like OK I CAN MAKE THIS WORK... THIS REWATCH I CAN MAKE HIS ARC MAKE SENSE!! But seriously fuck Tyrell I've never been so aghast as the first time I went to the show's tag on tumblr to find that apparently the most popular ship in this show is ELLIOT/TYRELL, like full offense but I hope you die. I hope we both die. I understand that fans love pathetic men but please like this man could not squeeze out a shred of personhood/anythingness if you paid him/offered him everything he wanted/forced him to reflect on What, Exactly, Is Everything He Wants and made him realize that he's nothing but a hollow mirror... but anyway
That said, ep 3x07 I actually did tear up when he finally found out that Joanna died after so long of people keeping that from him. Like first of all that episode is bleak enough already. And when it happened, it was crushing to see him react in the only way a man like Tyrell could react, the only way anyone could react, with such helpless wailing overcome grief. Truly the It Was All For Nothing episode of all It Was All For Nothing episodes.
But what I really can't stand about Tyrell is that he's such a nothing character. As in he is nothing, has no values, has no original thoughts, has nothing to give. He was used the same way Angela was used by the system, by Whiterose, but at least Angela had real values and dreams instead of just bandwagoning to feel powerful. In that sense I suppose it's satisfying to see this show strip away all his petty pretenses and ego posturing and expose him for how easily overcome and influenced he is by his own emotions (most gripless man ever in the history of television, throws tantrums like a baby, Mr. Oops! I Accidentally Strangled A Woman To Death In A Fit Of Inane Passion And Now I'm Panicking And Crying About It, Whatever Will I Do, Guess Someone Else Is Gonna Have To Clean Up My Mess As Usual). He'll latch onto anything in the desperate hopes that it will give him purpose and meaning; at first this was Winning Capitalism, and upon failing miserably at that due to his own incompetence he turned swiftly to Revolution As Revenge, Yay! The fact that upon finding out Elliot orchestrated the 5/9 hack that destroyed the records of all consumer debt, Tyrell literally asks him: "But I still don't understand. Why did you do it?" Like I get that to some extent this line was just written to be setup so Elliot could say his iconic "I just wanted to save the world" line but also are you seriously asking that like are you serious.
It's funny reading all the old episode discussions... everyone was so convinced that Tyrell didn't actually die. I can understand their frustration and confusion because Tyrell's death was so nothing. Then again, isn't that fitting for Tyrell? I won't claim to understand the vague surreality of how they portrayed his death, or whatever intentions were behind that, and probably there were more effective ways to do it, but I'm fine with his death as a letting go. Because there was nothing to hold onto. And Elliot very much did let him go, and I do think that maybe if he had been in a better headspace he might not have let him wander off into the forest, even though I firmly believe that it's true that Elliot doesn't like Tyrell (the man did the cyber bombings, hello?), because Elliot wants to, has always wanted to save people.
DON'T DELETE ME.
Episode 3x08 is one of my all-time favourite episodes, and after rewatching it I went and searched up all the old reddit discussion threads and article recap write-ups, and I felt truly insane after like. Comment thread after comment thread speculating that omg that kid TOTALLY wasn't real and was just a figment of Elliot's psyche, comparisons to Breaking Bad's THE FLY that were meant to be NEGATIVE like that wasn't one of BB's best episodes freaking ever, just inane shit. I'm sorry but combing through the old discussions it's really soooooo clear to me that so many people watched this show wrong. (Also annoyed at the amount of speculation over every single side character existing/not existing, like okay this show has pulled that ONE (1) TIME in the entirety of its run, did fans of this show really just think it was gonna be a one-trick pony, and also EVEN IF shit wasn't real that doesn't mean it didn't MATTER or MEAN ANYTHING, I hate all of u etc)
But anyway my original point was to say that not one of these recaps ever mentioned finding out the reason why Trenton's code name was Trenton, which is always like THE part of the episode that breaks me every time, and it pisses me off that no one thought it worth mentioning, and that everyone only cares about things in terms of how they relate to Elliot (see again: Trenton's little brother and his grief and anger and horrifyingly incomprehensible loss TOTALLY weren't real and were just manifested parts of Elliot's fucked up psyche to show how fucked up he is, clearly. Fuck off). Like something something u guys were all so obsessed with figuring out what wasn't real u failed to see how real everything was... real shit...
Ok but seriously people who didn't like this episode for being "slow" aka character-focused are just people I'll fundamentally never be able to understand, because were episodes 3x05-07 not enough for you? Why are you so uninterested in examining the human consequences of all the shit that's happened? In feeling it? What's the point of even watching this show? Is emotion too much for you? Speaking of.
TO BE LONELY IN THIS WORLD
There's a quote I've misremembered from the show, from that scene early on in season 1, probably even as early as the pilot, when Elliot is crying on the floor of his bedroom and says to us: What do normal people do when they get this sad? Probably the most quoted line, out of context screencaps with 100k notes on tumblr etc. For some reason I have it in my head as, What do normal people do when they get this lonely? Probably he meant the same thing either way. I appreciate this about Mr. Robot: it doesn't turn away from the emotions that are too big to not seem cliche, too big to not cringe when you brush against them. When I first watched this at 19, which by the way was one of the worst years of my life, I cringed to see it out there like that. But I always did (mis)remember that scene, even when I didn't like the show, for obvious reasons.
Television about loneliness, you don't say, how novel. Except it actually is kind of novel, to me. A lot of shows are cynical about loneliness (I keep thinking about Bojack Horseman, lol) because it's easy to be, and of course Mr. Robot is a deeply cynical show about so many things, but I don't think it's cynical about loneliness. Even as you have Krista being lied to by her piece of shit secretly married boyfriend, even as you have Dom lying in her bed listlessly masturbating to some rando's sexts at 8:48 PM and then she wakes up the next morning and gets ready for work to HIGHWAYMAN (I love u Mr Robot soundtrack), even as Shayla is murdered arguably as an eventual consequence of wanting to get closer to Elliot, even as one by one more beloved connections are deleted and characters are killed and the world grows smaller and colder and inevitably more precious. I think it's unflinching about loneliness whereas cynicism tries to deflect. And it's unafraid to show its characters are immensely lonely, not just the passing joke attempt of Haha We're All Gonna Die Alone But Anyway relatability. Because how can't you be lonely in this world. And how can't you see, then, what's left.
It's prevalent throughout the whole show, of course, but so much of it is really felt in seasons 3 and 4. Season 4 in particular is so bleak, like, literally these actors have never had to cry so much in their LIVES, and it was genuinely a galaxy brain move to set it during the week of Christmas so it's all unfolding against this backdrop of a festive wintery NYC. And it's bleak because it has to be, frozen with the brittle grief of having lost so much, after what happened in the first scene of the season, after all that's happened last season... If I just think a little too much about it I'll cry.
The last episode we watched was 4x08. And I keep thinking about the scene at the beginning where Elliot looks at his younger self and says, what are you trying to say? That I failed to fight back? I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry I didn't protect you! And he's looking at himself. And I also think of the scene at the end where Elliot says, I just don't want to be alone anymore. And Mr. Robot, his guardian, wearing the face of his monster, can't do anything for him but hold him. And he's also holding himself.
Maybe, probably you can tell from this post that I'm not doing that great atm... lol? It's OK, in the way things kind of have to be OK. It's going to be winter, again. Again. I'm writing only a little. I'm listening to a song. If you're reading this, I hope you are well.
THE FIRST TIME
The first time we watched Mr. Robot was when it first came out in 2015. Lol. Hey guys remember 2015. And I was 19 and all of it bounced off me so hard and we unanimously decided to stop after finishing S1. Upon rewatching it's easy to understand why--that finale monologue like Pleaze... I still think the parts where Elliot blatantly becomes a mouthpiece are the weakest, but now even those speeches have become fond to me lol. Like... yeah? I now know these moments of edgy over-the-top cynicism to be earnest after all, understanding where the show is coming from, what it's tried to do, how in the end its characters were trying to reach one another and it's trying to reach us too. And I can't fault it for any of that, especially rewatching in 2023. The show has aged in that it's totally dated for being a product of the mid-to-late 2010s (at one point the phrase "Vine stars" was used lmaooo), in the sense that while so much of it is still true (or what it was warning against came true), at the same time parts of it were almost innocent in that how things are now is... I wanna say... worse in very specific ways that were not even imagined... After all, it finished airing in 2019, and we finished watching it at the end of 2019, right before the pandemic hit. Lol.
I've tried to rewatch Mr. Robot several times over the years but every time I would fall off at season 3, because I think season 3 is truly when shit starts hitting the fan and the show starts hitting you with the baseball bat of hopelessness. This time, I'm rewatching with my sister, and so we're making it to the end. Maybe it's hubristic of me to write this up before actually finishing (we're on episode 4x09) but I've really wanted to write out this post for a while. Anyway, now I can finally appreciate how this is a show meant to be rewatched. The first time was fun for the shocks and twists, the tension and suspense, the emotional revelations and the overarching mystery and not knowing what's going to happen. The second time is fun for... still those things lmao, but now seeing exactly how it all pieces together. But it's also accompanied by the crushing dread of knowing exactly what's going to happen. Like, in any given S1 scene, I would just be thinking: wow so many of these characters are dead. It feels almost like being complicit? Like when Elliot looks us in the eye and says "You wouldn't know more than me, would you? That wouldn't be fair." Most of all, though, after rewatching, I inevitably feel left hollow.
As with any time you revisit a beloved story, you're not the same person you were the first time; you're not in the same time at all. Like I said, we finished watching the first time in December 2019. Several things were beginning for us then. It's now October 2023. So much has changed and so much has not, which really amounts to not saying anything at all. I wouldn't really know how to. When I was 19 there was a lot I couldn't understand about the show; it wasn't for me. When I was 23 I thought I understood it a little better. I'm 27 now... what a strange feeling to look at it that way, that I'm now one of the adults I looked upon back then and couldn't understand. In this world I couldn't understand.
THE SECOND SEASON REVEAL
The other reveals are ultimately more impactful in that they were more shocking, more emotionally resonant, more relevant to our understanding of the characters, but I swear--nothing else in this show ever got me as hard as "Where do you think we are, Elliot?" It's obvious in hindsight, it's over-the-top, was it REALLY necessary or was it just forced to one-up the iconic S1 twist, blah blah blah... I don't care about any of that. My favourite thing about this twist is that it's the only one that Elliot purposely pulled on us. All the other reveals were plot twists because he was also kept in the dark, but he was always seeing what we were seeing, and what we discovered was what he discovered in real time. THIS one was a lie! He lied to us!!! Stunning 10/10 showstopping iconic we love you unreliable narrators who don't trust their audience/voyeur/imaginary friend.
I love the season's opening sequence for how it so clearly foreshadows everything (and I mean EVERYTHING); how Elliot retreats from the reality of his abuse and we're taken directly into his mind. Like wow OK you really straight-up told us everything right there. Also it just slays.
It makes sense that so many people drop off during S2 because it's slower, and information is overtly withheld from us which is very annoying, and S1 is so much more of the straightforward sell: a typical revolutionary hacker plot, that early sense of naive optimism and heroics, even the iconic S1 twist is like the most straightforward one in the whole show lol. And aside from the cliffhanger setting up S2, it wraps up nicely and coherently: "I just wanted to save the world." And then S2 is like, what the f is going on... the season of messy consequences, if you will. But I love that this show takes these characters and very consistently, very seriously devotes itself to how these characters would live with such things, with themselves. So yes I'm a fan of the season of Darlene struggling to figure out who she is in the scepter of Elliot's shadow, of Elliot struggling to figure out who he is between himself and Mr. Robot, of the beginning of ANGELA's descent, though then again wasn't she already doomed the instant she stepped into Phillip Price's world by the end of S1... more on this below.
ANGELA
Insert Mac Quayle 3.5_1-alittlepush.ktp dot mp3... almost cried when I heard this as the soundtrack to the singular Angela flashback, you know the one.
One of the saddest parts of rewatching Mr. Robot is knowing Angela's story is a tragedy. Watching it the first time, you could be convinced, by her own conviction. You could actually believe that she was transforming into something, that it was all leading somewhere. I'm split on her ending--on one hand, to an extent, I agree that there was nothing left for her, no way out, she would never have let it go, she would never have been safe. On the other hand... but what if there WAS a way out?? Angela's arc as a whole is fine, it pulls off a very clear tragic message about the manipulation and corruption of ideals, and yes her dying in the first two minutes of S4 very much sets the tone for the rest of the season, buuuuuuut like. I'm just saying. Surely there's a possible way she could have lived...... ok sorry
nobody is gonna watch this 5 minute contextless clip lmaooo but I wanted to put it here for myself anyway. Perfect needledrop, chilling 2 minute dead-eyed monologue, LOOKS LIKE THE POWER'S BACK ON.............. Favourite episode ending ever of all time. Angela really had me going for a while there. But I guess it was really Whiterose who had Angela going... lol.
Anyway I found it very sad on rewatch that what I chalked up to simply be friends drifting apart on first watch wasn't the only thing going on, it was also that this Elliot literally wasn't the one she grew up with, and he didn't go to the museum when he was in crisis because that was her and Elliot's hiding place when they were kids and he wasn't her Elliot, he didn't have the same hiding place... Like I'm inconsolable? ALSO, Darlene living in Angela's apartment after her death, holding her ballet shoes, like are you fucking kidding me. Also quietly devastated by Angela hanging out with Shayla in S1. Couldn't help but notice all the times in S1/2 Elliot ignores Angela, doesn't answer her call, doesn't let her in... you feel it's almost justified the first time through because surely she isn't a part of this, surely she doesn't need to be, she wouldn't understand, it's for her own sake. But now I keep thinking, maybe if he and Darlene had let her in on this, things could have turned out differently... it's not like she doesn't find out soon enough anyway, it's not like she doesn't get involved in worse. Maybe they didn't think her capable of it, maybe we wouldn't have either, maybe she herself didn't even realize until she was in it, episode 3x05 staring down Elliot in the empty ransacked office, wordless and guilty with her eyes streaming and pepper-sprayed and mascara-smeared. I feel like all Angela's character did was surprise me, over and over and over.
Also, something I noticed in particular on rewatch was how there were two characters who were susceptible to certain cults, who had arcs of being indoctrinated, used, and spat out, first by capitalism, second by Whiterose, and the parallel is pretty clear imo, between Angela and:
TYRELL
I've always found the weakest part of this show to be Tyrell Wellick. Me watching Mr. Robot in 2023 groaning at all his scenes but still there's a part of me that's like OK I CAN MAKE THIS WORK... THIS REWATCH I CAN MAKE HIS ARC MAKE SENSE!! But seriously fuck Tyrell I've never been so aghast as the first time I went to the show's tag on tumblr to find that apparently the most popular ship in this show is ELLIOT/TYRELL, like full offense but I hope you die. I hope we both die. I understand that fans love pathetic men but please like this man could not squeeze out a shred of personhood/anythingness if you paid him/offered him everything he wanted/forced him to reflect on What, Exactly, Is Everything He Wants and made him realize that he's nothing but a hollow mirror... but anyway
That said, ep 3x07 I actually did tear up when he finally found out that Joanna died after so long of people keeping that from him. Like first of all that episode is bleak enough already. And when it happened, it was crushing to see him react in the only way a man like Tyrell could react, the only way anyone could react, with such helpless wailing overcome grief. Truly the It Was All For Nothing episode of all It Was All For Nothing episodes.
But what I really can't stand about Tyrell is that he's such a nothing character. As in he is nothing, has no values, has no original thoughts, has nothing to give. He was used the same way Angela was used by the system, by Whiterose, but at least Angela had real values and dreams instead of just bandwagoning to feel powerful. In that sense I suppose it's satisfying to see this show strip away all his petty pretenses and ego posturing and expose him for how easily overcome and influenced he is by his own emotions (most gripless man ever in the history of television, throws tantrums like a baby, Mr. Oops! I Accidentally Strangled A Woman To Death In A Fit Of Inane Passion And Now I'm Panicking And Crying About It, Whatever Will I Do, Guess Someone Else Is Gonna Have To Clean Up My Mess As Usual). He'll latch onto anything in the desperate hopes that it will give him purpose and meaning; at first this was Winning Capitalism, and upon failing miserably at that due to his own incompetence he turned swiftly to Revolution As Revenge, Yay! The fact that upon finding out Elliot orchestrated the 5/9 hack that destroyed the records of all consumer debt, Tyrell literally asks him: "But I still don't understand. Why did you do it?" Like I get that to some extent this line was just written to be setup so Elliot could say his iconic "I just wanted to save the world" line but also are you seriously asking that like are you serious.
It's funny reading all the old episode discussions... everyone was so convinced that Tyrell didn't actually die. I can understand their frustration and confusion because Tyrell's death was so nothing. Then again, isn't that fitting for Tyrell? I won't claim to understand the vague surreality of how they portrayed his death, or whatever intentions were behind that, and probably there were more effective ways to do it, but I'm fine with his death as a letting go. Because there was nothing to hold onto. And Elliot very much did let him go, and I do think that maybe if he had been in a better headspace he might not have let him wander off into the forest, even though I firmly believe that it's true that Elliot doesn't like Tyrell (the man did the cyber bombings, hello?), because Elliot wants to, has always wanted to save people.
DON'T DELETE ME.
Episode 3x08 is one of my all-time favourite episodes, and after rewatching it I went and searched up all the old reddit discussion threads and article recap write-ups, and I felt truly insane after like. Comment thread after comment thread speculating that omg that kid TOTALLY wasn't real and was just a figment of Elliot's psyche, comparisons to Breaking Bad's THE FLY that were meant to be NEGATIVE like that wasn't one of BB's best episodes freaking ever, just inane shit. I'm sorry but combing through the old discussions it's really soooooo clear to me that so many people watched this show wrong. (Also annoyed at the amount of speculation over every single side character existing/not existing, like okay this show has pulled that ONE (1) TIME in the entirety of its run, did fans of this show really just think it was gonna be a one-trick pony, and also EVEN IF shit wasn't real that doesn't mean it didn't MATTER or MEAN ANYTHING, I hate all of u etc)
But anyway my original point was to say that not one of these recaps ever mentioned finding out the reason why Trenton's code name was Trenton, which is always like THE part of the episode that breaks me every time, and it pisses me off that no one thought it worth mentioning, and that everyone only cares about things in terms of how they relate to Elliot (see again: Trenton's little brother and his grief and anger and horrifyingly incomprehensible loss TOTALLY weren't real and were just manifested parts of Elliot's fucked up psyche to show how fucked up he is, clearly. Fuck off). Like something something u guys were all so obsessed with figuring out what wasn't real u failed to see how real everything was... real shit...
Ok but seriously people who didn't like this episode for being "slow" aka character-focused are just people I'll fundamentally never be able to understand, because were episodes 3x05-07 not enough for you? Why are you so uninterested in examining the human consequences of all the shit that's happened? In feeling it? What's the point of even watching this show? Is emotion too much for you? Speaking of.
TO BE LONELY IN THIS WORLD
There's a quote I've misremembered from the show, from that scene early on in season 1, probably even as early as the pilot, when Elliot is crying on the floor of his bedroom and says to us: What do normal people do when they get this sad? Probably the most quoted line, out of context screencaps with 100k notes on tumblr etc. For some reason I have it in my head as, What do normal people do when they get this lonely? Probably he meant the same thing either way. I appreciate this about Mr. Robot: it doesn't turn away from the emotions that are too big to not seem cliche, too big to not cringe when you brush against them. When I first watched this at 19, which by the way was one of the worst years of my life, I cringed to see it out there like that. But I always did (mis)remember that scene, even when I didn't like the show, for obvious reasons.
Television about loneliness, you don't say, how novel. Except it actually is kind of novel, to me. A lot of shows are cynical about loneliness (I keep thinking about Bojack Horseman, lol) because it's easy to be, and of course Mr. Robot is a deeply cynical show about so many things, but I don't think it's cynical about loneliness. Even as you have Krista being lied to by her piece of shit secretly married boyfriend, even as you have Dom lying in her bed listlessly masturbating to some rando's sexts at 8:48 PM and then she wakes up the next morning and gets ready for work to HIGHWAYMAN (I love u Mr Robot soundtrack), even as Shayla is murdered arguably as an eventual consequence of wanting to get closer to Elliot, even as one by one more beloved connections are deleted and characters are killed and the world grows smaller and colder and inevitably more precious. I think it's unflinching about loneliness whereas cynicism tries to deflect. And it's unafraid to show its characters are immensely lonely, not just the passing joke attempt of Haha We're All Gonna Die Alone But Anyway relatability. Because how can't you be lonely in this world. And how can't you see, then, what's left.
It's prevalent throughout the whole show, of course, but so much of it is really felt in seasons 3 and 4. Season 4 in particular is so bleak, like, literally these actors have never had to cry so much in their LIVES, and it was genuinely a galaxy brain move to set it during the week of Christmas so it's all unfolding against this backdrop of a festive wintery NYC. And it's bleak because it has to be, frozen with the brittle grief of having lost so much, after what happened in the first scene of the season, after all that's happened last season... If I just think a little too much about it I'll cry.
The last episode we watched was 4x08. And I keep thinking about the scene at the beginning where Elliot looks at his younger self and says, what are you trying to say? That I failed to fight back? I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry I didn't protect you! And he's looking at himself. And I also think of the scene at the end where Elliot says, I just don't want to be alone anymore. And Mr. Robot, his guardian, wearing the face of his monster, can't do anything for him but hold him. And he's also holding himself.
Maybe, probably you can tell from this post that I'm not doing that great atm... lol? It's OK, in the way things kind of have to be OK. It's going to be winter, again. Again. I'm writing only a little. I'm listening to a song. If you're reading this, I hope you are well.
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i hope you feel better, and that winter treats you well ^^