younglegends | [vg] disco elysium

i have played this game twice now, the first time with my sister and the second time by myself. i think it's an incredibly special game and i have loved playing it very much. i wanted to record a bit about my thoughts and experiences of these playthroughs, and mostly just collect the various screenshots i took over the course of the game, so that's what this post is.

the first dream, on the first night, of the hanged man:

like, i was already fully hooked at this point, but this sequence really just cemented it, that i loved everything they were doing lol. there's really so much to love--the voice acting, the writing of the narration and dialogue, the art style, the soundtrack, the atmosphere... ah
sitting on the swings with kim to wait out the receding waters only to discover that it's YOUR car in this wreck that YOU crashed in a drunken bender... just the contrast of the quiet beauty of that scene + the ugliness of what you did. and how kim waits it out with you for you to discover the truth by yourself even though he realizes it from the beginning TT very dignified... very kind.
my first playthrough i missed the quest to break into cuno's apartment and meet his dad (and steal the drugs too, but whatever, that's obviously not the point) so when i got it on my second time around it came as a huge shock, honestly, to see cuno's "home" environment and what he was dealing with and also why he is the way he is... and then when i confronted cuno and withheld the drugs from him, i didn't save the exact dialogue but it was so sad, i think my mouth literally dropped open as he started talking nonstop about how he's going to become nothing like his father, his tone just nonstop conviction without even any real emotion, and then CUNOESSE OF ALL PEOPLEEEEE told him to stop saying that, and i remember this so clearly, the observation was that she said it "with real sadness/grief". and that shocked me to my core. and it was devastating. and it drives me crazy that the only way to possibly "save" cuno from that kind of future is to get him to BECOME A COP?!?!??!?! which btw i would never ever do no matter what because it's at the cost of letting kim get shot in the tribunal so like. that is never happening anyway lmfao. but i just. JESUS CHRIST. holds head in hands
the karaoke scene:

my sister and i completely missed our chance to do this on our playthrough--the timing just never lined up right. it took us way too long to get around to it, and then we had to wait for night, and then kim wasn't there because we just sent him off to process the body so we wanted to wait so he could bear witness (lol), and then the endgame events triggered :'( so i made sure to do it as soon as possible on my playthrough, and it paid off because i got to do it on a night when lena, the cops from my ex-squad, and the hardie boys were all there LOL. ALSO I PASSED THE SKILL CHECK THE FIRST TIME I DID IT but i had to reload the save for some reason i can't remember and then the second time i failed LMAO. but it was absolutely hilarious so i stuck with it. i LOVED the choice to have the voices be either your ancient reptilian brain or your limbic system depending on whether you passed or not--in both cases it was such a shock, because i was so expectant waiting to hear whatever harry's singing voice would sound like and then THAT came out... the ancient reptilian brain was so cool obv but the limbic system was genuinely soooooo hilarious. thank u for my life. that's also me when i try to sing irl honestly. anyway. those are some real depressing lyrics huh. shoutout to KIM for shout-outing my karaoke scene at the very end of the game when he's making his final evaluation of me <3
the telephone calls... :/ listen. yes i regretted every single one i made, but at the same time i couldn't stop making calls. the cruelties inflicted out of curiosity... I'M SORRY!!
THE DANCE SCENEEEE. Ok. so. this is the only time in the game that i save scummed. because i was determined to get kim to dance SOOOO BAD but you have to pass two skill checks here--one for composure to dance yourself, and then one for authority to convince kim to join you--so it's kinda difficult esp with my shoddy skill point distribution (AUTHORITY? WHAT AUTHORITY? HELLO HAVE U SEEN KIM'S AUTHORITY? AUGH). and the reason WHY i kept reloading this is because the failure outcome for the authority check is SO GOD AWFUL i absolutely refused to live with the consequences. I REFUSE!! but i kept failing it even when i was able to bump up the authority check to an 83% success rate so i was like what the f? and then i realized i had equipped that one thought with the side-effect of failing all your red checks. So. IT WAS MY OWN FAULT THE WHOLE TIME. look i never claimed to be "good" at "video games". anyway. finally passed both checks, finally rejoiced in the fruits of my labour, sadly i didn't get acele to join in (i wonder if it's possible if you complete her silver bird check before this, or if she just refuses no matter what?) but even soona was bobbing her head to the beat... TT___TT

speaking of acele: "The people who build this world intended it to be better for you, but they failed. It is easier to live in their failure with this by your side. It is not a childish fantasy. It can be a real weapon against what's coming for you now." literally makes me tear up lol
going on the walk with lilienne at land's end and listening to her talk about the miracle of the sun as you both gaze out over the coast at sunset. ALSO the fact that she gives you a sword at the end of it?! MOST PERFECT NON-DATE....
the working class woman. OK. first playthrough when i met her i didn't push the question of her potentially missing husband because i was just like um... hello... ma'am i am so sorry to have bothered u. so when i found the dead man at the boardwalk and tracked down his home address and entered to deliver the news MY JAW DROPPED WHEN I SAW THAT IT WAS HER. i remember literally saying "OH NOOOOO" out loud. it came as a total unexpected shock and sadness, moreso than if i had known upon discovering the body exactly whose husband he was. and jeez just the fact that you never see her again, that she's just this one person in this town, in this world, whose life doesn't intersect with yours at all except in this one terrible tragic instance, that's all.
hearing klaasje talk about the return, which was also the last time i ever saw her, because yeah ofc i let her get away. still wonder if one of these days i'll ever pass that very first reaction-speed skill check to catch those flowers that get blown away in the wind upon first meeting her on the rooftop
the mural:

so funny how i avoided the red check to ask cindy for paint for SO LONG bc i was scared of fucking it up only to find out that even if you fail (which i did) she will still give it to you out of pity. THANKS CINDY FOR MY LIFE........ anyway i already forget what the other mural message options were but i predictably picked the boringly vague and meaningless one as expected of me <3 but also this screenshot cracks me up. look at me in my FUCK THE WORLD jacket. hell yeah
UN JOUR JE SERAI DE RETOUR PRES DE TOI:

the boat ride to the island:

yes that's me in my polar anorak, thank u SHIVERS for letting me know of its location, i love u SHIVERS <3 anyway when i said i was going to be blasting SAD FM on the way there i was not expecting the really haunting song that played here--i was expecting something upbeat so when this song started playing i remember just falling completely silent lol. ahhh the soundtrack of this game is so good... favourite track otherwise has to be la revacholiere (chills every time) or tiger king (which i remember so clearly playing in the dream after the tribunal scene and making me want to die).
the dream of dolores dei/dora ingerlund:

aside from being such a beautiful dream sequence (THIS GAME REALLY DELIVERS ON THE DREAM SEQUENCES I'M JUST SAYING!!!), i thought the choice to have harry's subconscious kind of merge the deity of dolores dei with the memory of his ex-lover he absolutely can't get over and is actively destroying him was really interesting and... really honest, in a way? honest about love and despair and longing and obsession and projection. honest about how the mind works with regard to all of these things. and how she, as a projection in harry's mind, as a dream, was both cold and kind, scathing and indulgent, impatient and nostalgic, ultimately distant as she was nothing but a figment of his imagination, but also lenient enough to allow him what he needed to (hopefully) set on the path for recovery. the mechanisms of that. it was genuinely lovely to get to hear some of the memories they shared in their youth, but it was really a much-needed wake-up call. i really enjoyed these lines:

"But I swore I wouldn't let you go. You *told* me--you asked me to be this way."

"That was someone else. I betrayed her, overwrote her, and am happier for it."

and also:

"I miss you so much."

"It will pass. Everything does."

speaking of projection... when i learned the deserter's true underlying motive i wanted to scream lol. idk what it is that gets me other than oh yeah of course it was all because of a fucking WOMAN you didn't know but projected on from a distance and then punished her for it. like YOU CHOSE TO DO THAT!!! but also just that... like, agh. you think it's going to be some kind of grand motivation, some straightforward vengeance or ideology, and in the end it's just that. it was just this. jesus
the phasmid:

TT____TT nothing like the sheer surprise and joy i felt when the phasmid appeared my first playthrough. i was giddy lol
speaking of the phasmid... anytime i learned of the upcoming end of the world. so when i was talking to the phasmid, and also when i discovered the origin of the pale in the church with soona. i can't really explain it but in all these instances of discovering that the world is going to end, it didn't feel horrifying--it felt weirdly.. reassuring? i don't think that's the right word. but just that, you know, the world has ended many times over and over, and the kindness or at least the starkness with which we confronted this future, and as the game says: Après la vie, la mort; Après la mort, la vie encore! Après le monde, le gris; Après le gris, le monde encore!
something else i enjoyed: the poetry with which the thoughts are written. like look at this:

speaking OF THOUGHTS... absolutely hilarious that THE HOMOSEXUAL UNDERGROUND thought takes 8 whole hours to internalize and then it literally has NO BENEFIT other than u get to unlock the fact that kim is gay in a follow-up conversation. and then u don't get to comment on it at all and it leads to nothing. Absolutely worth it thank u for my life <3
lastly, i am very surprised myself to find that out of everything in this game, i think the line that got to me the most, that has stuck with me the most, is this one, after you pose the question along the lines of: "If this world is so wretched, then what is the point?"