lina (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
younglegends) wrote2023-05-06 09:31 pm
younglegends) wrote2023-05-06 09:31 pm
Entry tags:
[journal] on the not knowing
um i'll be real idk if i got shit to say
LISTENING
Back before all this gender shit, her body was like a good dog. Maybe it wasn't fully her, but her dog did everything she wanted: she moved so fast, pulled himself up trees, sprinted through forests and across fields, giddy and waggy. She was lucky to have gotten a dog like that. She didn't deserve such a good dog. She'd thought she'd have that dog forever—when they were both old, he would lay at her feet like a canvas duffel, loyal and obliging and charming to the last.
[...] When Amy transitioned, she lost her dog. There was just her. She and her body were one and the same. Every sensation simply belonged to her, unmediated. It was supposed to be good. Sometimes it was. She didn't have to guess what was going on from her dog's behavior. But without a dog to hurt for her, on her behalf, her life as a woman arrived with pain; pain that had to be endured, withstood, pain that was the same as being alive, and so was without end.
As Jon bats, Ames tries to listen to his body. He has not thought about his dog in a long time. Does he still have a dog? In his detransition, he supposed he'd get his dog back, but he didn't. He has simply lost the vibrancy of both pain and pleasure. The world has receded to a tolerable distance, the colors unsaturated, while the dog stayed dead. In a certain cowardly way, he supposes that he has avoided thinking about it, hoping that this is enough. But of course, he has lived the last three years of his life in a way that requires so little of him—an office job of moderate ambition; a relationship that, as much as he really believes he loves Katrina, came to him without searching for it; friends who know him well, but not too well. Only now, with this baby, this work of his traitorous, animal body, does he need an inclination of his truest feelings. When Jon wears himself out, Ames takes a second turn. The bat goes round and round, and each time it is a prayer, beseeching the dead to speak.
life upd8s
- ?
- badminton update: people actually now compliment me on my serves sometimes T___T but there's nothing more embarrassing than a flop session after a couple of sessions of feeling marked improvement like damn ok i still suck huh... oh well fuck it we ball etc
- notable april memories... *thinking really hard* umm went hiking failed miserably at an escape room (WHY WERE WE OBSESSIVELY PORING OVER THE COPY OF THE PERIODIC TABLE ON THE SHELF WHEN ALL WE HAD TO DO WAS PRESS THE BUTTONS ON THE WALL.) cried in a jollibee (food was great tho!) started cooking more but most importantly purchased airplane tickets for a trip this fall with friends!! it's a big group with an overall itinerary of japan > seoul/busan > hong kong and i will be joining for the korea/hk leg and i'm very excited hehe. also t is sadly moving out this month but a is moving IN sldfkhjslghgh what a time to be alive
- the sun is out!!!! (sometimes.) it feels like summer!!! (sometimes.) got my hair cut today and am going karaoke tomorrow. happy SPRING everyone
MOVIES
- the wailing: me and t afterward: What the f
- d&d movie: went with a because she is our beloved DM and we were both incredibly underwhelmed. like ok ik i wasn't the target audience bc every d&d reference sailed over my head but the story was incredibly basic and idk why i was expecting it not to be?? anyway a who DID pick up on all the d&d references also said she felt let down by the basicness of it so it wasn't just me, ok. also my face at the beginning of the movie when i realized sophia lillis was in this: 😀 --> my face at the extent of her character: 😶
- emily the criminal: it was alright! i am an aubrey plaza enjoyer
- the green knight: i watched the first half of this a while back and remembered liking it... Well um the second half did not deliver i'm sorry to say. was quite underwhelmed at the part with the lord & the lady--felt it should have been much more essential to the story, as it is essential to the story! didn't like the use of flash-forward either even if the green ribbon slayed. ...and you know what, i'll say, as an adaptation? yeah, not into it.
- marcel the shell with shoes on: very earnest... unfortunately bounced off me though
- beau is afraid: saw this in theatres (in may but tacking it on here anyway.) and did very much regret it
GAMING
- gawd i need to play a new video game (ANY RECS OUT THERE, BTW, BEFORE I CAVE IN AND REPLAY DISHONORED FOR THE 5TH TIME??)
- obtained baizhu bc he amuses me greatly. obtained c4 kaveh along the way, might fuck around and build him because his charged attack animation is THAT hilarious, and a surprise dehya from losing the 50/50, whom i also have to build now. Yikes. at least i have shit to do on genshin now? but please tell me why i didn't obtain A SINGLE FISCHL CON? LITERALLY NOT A SINGLE ONE? MY FISCHL STILL C4 AFTER 2 YEARS OF PLAYING WHY WHY WHY.
LISTENING
- SEVENTEEN SUPER!!! I saw it was called sun wukong and was like Omg let me listen to it. And i loved it!!! successfully indoctrinated my sister with it too. What can i say guys i love my team i love my crew
READING
- randomly read a lot this month? finished ON SWIFT HORSES (also didn't know that its getting a movie adaptation apparently? with daisy edgar-jones and will poulter and JACOB ELORDI??), reread THE WESTING GAME for the first time since i was a kid, and randomly borrowed THE ROAD from a friend and blew through it in a day
- also read DETRANSITION, BABY, from which i want to highlight a pagelong passage that, along with all that built up to it and all that it was building up to, choked me up so bad for days
Read more
Back before all this gender shit, her body was like a good dog. Maybe it wasn't fully her, but her dog did everything she wanted: she moved so fast, pulled himself up trees, sprinted through forests and across fields, giddy and waggy. She was lucky to have gotten a dog like that. She didn't deserve such a good dog. She'd thought she'd have that dog forever—when they were both old, he would lay at her feet like a canvas duffel, loyal and obliging and charming to the last.
[...] When Amy transitioned, she lost her dog. There was just her. She and her body were one and the same. Every sensation simply belonged to her, unmediated. It was supposed to be good. Sometimes it was. She didn't have to guess what was going on from her dog's behavior. But without a dog to hurt for her, on her behalf, her life as a woman arrived with pain; pain that had to be endured, withstood, pain that was the same as being alive, and so was without end.
As Jon bats, Ames tries to listen to his body. He has not thought about his dog in a long time. Does he still have a dog? In his detransition, he supposed he'd get his dog back, but he didn't. He has simply lost the vibrancy of both pain and pleasure. The world has receded to a tolerable distance, the colors unsaturated, while the dog stayed dead. In a certain cowardly way, he supposes that he has avoided thinking about it, hoping that this is enough. But of course, he has lived the last three years of his life in a way that requires so little of him—an office job of moderate ambition; a relationship that, as much as he really believes he loves Katrina, came to him without searching for it; friends who know him well, but not too well. Only now, with this baby, this work of his traitorous, animal body, does he need an inclination of his truest feelings. When Jon wears himself out, Ames takes a second turn. The bat goes round and round, and each time it is a prayer, beseeching the dead to speak.
- checked out THE BALLAD OF SONGBIRDS AND SNAKES bc of the movie trailer that was released. it was fine, readable, but the pacing was kind of bad and the relationships mostly lackluster and the climactic scene... ?? will be watching the movie though lol
- do u like how i haven't read any of the library books i borrowed last month... no poetry collection either this month :(
- i did start reading DUNE also due to the movie trailer that was just released!! really enjoying it so far and it isn't as hard as scifi usually is for me to follow probably due to having seen the movie already before lol
WRITING
lol. have not written much lately due to the thing i'm working on being super hard :( ok it's probably not that hard if i actually try, the hardest part is actually opening the gdoc for some reason. funny how that works. but i DID get random flashes of imaginings today for a different story which i think is SO FUNNY like very prophetic seer of me to be telepathically beamed signals every once in a while and be like Ok word that's something i can work with i think.
anyway have a wip wsaturday that's very nothing but also like my favourite thing i wrote all month
anyway have a wip wsaturday that's very nothing but also like my favourite thing i wrote all month
no subject
why was the d&d movie so mid!! i know nothing about d&d but i didn't expect the story to feel like something that was written in 2006 right down to the dead wife + sophia's char basically existing for the guy to flirt with until she gives in?? seriously?
i feel so fond reading your wip snippet! someday our fic fandoms will coincide again lmao
no subject
OKKK SERIOUSLY i literally couldnt believe my eyes when that scene of the guy wearing her down enough for her to finally agree to date him happened i was like WHAT YEAR IS THIS?? and yes i was also surprised when chris pine's dead wife backstory at the beginning turned out to have been told straight. hmm in hindsight that really did set the tone for the rest of the movie lol
<333 i feel fond lookin at ur it 2017 icon :') one day!!!