[journal] every blue shade of green

[younglegends]

february: same but for the snow

MOVIES:

watched a bunch of chinese animated movies while high with friends one night lol

• WISH DRAGON (2021): had very low expectations but it wasn't terrible? at the same time ngl i don't really remember it, so.
• WHITE SNAKE (2019): we only watched this because we stumbled upon GREEN SNAKE and wanted to watch it but realized it was a sequel so we should watch white snake first. well turns out we did not have to do that because the plot of green snake has NOTHING to do with white snake and in fact by watching white snake first we set ourselves up with certain expectations/predictions for the sequel that ended up not happening at all lmao... also white snake was kind of, you know, bad. terrible ass love interest and the problem with the generic supernatural-mc-loses-memories trope is that the amnesiac mc in question is actually super boring without memories/purpose in life etc.
• GREEN SNAKE (2021): Actually hilarious to watch while high because what the fuck is going on ever why was there a high-stakes fight scene literally every 3 minutes!! also i was somehow NOT PREPARED for the extreme incestuous vibes?! like at one point i literally had to say Guys is it just me or is there a romantic lantern-lit boat scene between the mc and a male incarnation of her sister happening right now. like, damn.

aside from these i also spontaneously watched KNOCK AT THE CABIN in theatres with t without knowing a single thing about what it was going to be about and the experience paid off tremendously imo, just having no idea at any point what was going to happen. then afterward we watched THE SIXTH SENSE which ive seen before and t has not. didnt stop her from guessing the twist 2 minutes in and waiting for the entire rest of the movie for the "real" twist (me: what other twist could there be?! her: idk... like maybe he really ISN'T dead?)

TV:

i hate being one of those pretentious ass "Um the adaptation simply doesn't measure up to the nuances of the source material" people but that is what i am turning into re: tlou of all things :') that said ep 5 was really good!! and i haven't watched ep 7 yet but i suspect it will also be really good!! other than that, op proving unbearable to watch one episode per week at 1x speed. (at one point i had to be like... Are they seriously flashing back to a scene that just happened five minutes ago rn...)

also rewatched a bunch of shit with my sister: mp100 (she loved it <3), succession s1 (guys as crazy as the shit going on with kendall and with roman always is--pov u are at ur sister's wedding, pick ur poison: uve just let a dude drown in a lake without telling anyone about it / the rocket you pressured into launching early has exploded--i think what really makes me lose my mind the most is SHIV&TOM, always. Like *screams* what the fuuuuuuck! Is wrong with u guys!!), the first half of the bear s1 (some charm in not knowing what the shit is going to happen ever on first watch, but it's actually more enjoyable on rewatch i think! also read this incredibly lovely charming fic for it).

lastly: niche pick but we rewatched s2 of CHANNEL ZERO, aka NO-END HOUSE. there are some clear flaws in the subplots (could they not have solidified jules' character arc into something, you know, better? btw her trauma manifestation only makes sense with the reading of her as being repressedly in love with margot, sorry there is literally no other interpretation. also seth's actor was kind of very terrible) but i still think the first episode is literally perfect (MARGOT WATCHING FNL BTW?! REAL SHIT?! actually gasped when i heard lyla's voice) and absolutely terrifying, and the central conceit + central relationship of margot and her father at the heart of the show is, well, literally sooooo fucked up.

cw: horror, death of a father, spoilers etc:

What if your father died in a horrific way and then a haunted house manifested a version of him from your memories that was your idealized version of him precisely because he was composed of your memories. And also he was a cannibal monster who had to eat your memories to live. And what if the only way to get rid of him was to kill him, and you did literally try to kill him using the exact same way he died in real life, but because he's a thing that isn't a human it didn't work. But also he was still the father who loved you more than anything because he's made from your memories, and he needs to feed off you to live, and you have to just live with that because you can't kill him, and you slowly willingly give up everything else that made you you except for him (+ JULES, MIGHT I ADD?! LIKE, HELLO?). And then, because he's something that remembers being your father who loves you, in fact he was invented to love you out of your love for him, he chooses to die for you. Just as your father did in real life.

like... Ok. haunted by margot asking him what it was like to die, if he suffered, and not being able to get that closure because he's not really her dead dad, only a manifestation of her memories. so he at first tells her what he thinks she would want, which is that he died quickly and painlessly. and then, when he's trying to get her to stay, he tells her that it was incredibly painful, which is also a nightmare she often conjured herself. and then when she tries to kill him and he starts choking she says panicked "you said it didn't hurt, that it was quick!" like, jesus. anyway. why did we rewatch this. ruined my day!!

READING:

only made it through one book... the poetry collection i read for valentine's day, WHAT IS THIS THING CALLED LOVE by kim addonizio. i liked certain sections, others not so much, blah blah blah. here is one poem that struck straight through to me like lightning.

'ROUND MIDNIGHT

In the book I'm reading: hard rain,
spike heels on pavement,
a man waiting in a rented room

to draw a woman down onto his bed.
She's the wrong woman,
she's a car wreck in a silk dress

and he can't wait to touch her.
No plot without desire,
the more desperate the better.

I look up to find that here, too,
it's raining. And now that I'm back
in my own quiet life

I feel like a character who's barely
been imagined yet, just a name
wearing a faded T-shirt,

reaching for her glass of cold wine.
If only the river would surge into the streets,
if only a tree would uproot itself

or the roof fly off in a funnel of black wind.
Such is my life: A minute ago I was happy,
immersed in a book. Now I feel a misery

only violence could cure. Now
I have to invent a story
to drag me out into the city,

toward music and grainy light
and the wrong men, I have to discover
what it is I want

and who I'm going to have to hurt to get it.

WRITING:

why are beginnings of sections either the easiest or hardest thing in the whole world to write, there's no in-between...  either it comes out fully formed as the engine of the whole idea or it's just like. Carving ice with a toothpick or whatever

anyway i am writing something that is so me :) it's almost done!

march be upon ye... like ive said onhere before march is historically a bad month for me but i have hopes this year. somewhat :)