[journal] it's a new world

thoughts, i guess, such as None of this even matters, and What's up guys it's june. hope you all are having a good one <3

these days?

• i really miss writing... you know how sometimes you realize everyone's got something that makes them uniquely them, and you've just got to do it? and how you only ever really realize that at like 1 am when it's too late to do anything about it? yeah.
• i still get nervous about playing d&d bc i'm so bad at roleplaying but recently had the most fun session EVER. i'm slowly learning more and getting better but i'm still the noob who stares blankly at her skill sheet for 10 minutes while trying to decide which action to take in the middle of battle and holds everything up. but d&d is such an experience where you really have to commit to what your character's first instinct would be, NOT the "right answer" or "best choice" or whatever, and i'm getting better at remembering that too... and the experience really is so much more fun when you let these things happen. that said whenever i'm in battle i'm like *despairingly* Why did i decide to take SPEAK WITH ANIMALS and BREATHE UNDERWATER and all this useless shit when i created this character... looks like we gotta eldritch blast our way out of this one once again guys. also, a showed me THE PARTY which is a pretty fun d&d webseries that actually taught me a lot about d&d lol.
• btw, please look at the most beautiful set of dice ever made, that a got me for my birthday this year. Sooo gorgeous and sleek and the d4 is sharp-pointed and i'm obsessed. the picture quality is terrible but they're beautiful ok Sources: just trust me bro

• drove up to a beautiful lake with friends (by which i mean i was driven) and we brought atlas bc there was a dog beach and it was the most healing experience of my life genuinely. sat there on a rock in the clear water and existed, mostly. 

• went on a #depression walk the other day in the sun and saw a rabbit in the tall grass, which seemed much to be the point of everything.

movies. if u even care.

can't believe i, notorious gotg HATER, went to see GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY 3 in theatres... Tbf i didn't have to pay for my ticket LOL but this did end up being the best out of the 3 imo simply because they realized ok wrapping shit up here gotta handle the characters' arcs with some actual weight and consideration

i also randomly rewatched TRIANGLE (2009) which is like.

Spoilers for the whole movie:

STILL THE MOST PERFECT TIME LOOP HORROR MOVIE EVER. Perfect crystallization of the concept everyone else go home. The horror of subjecting everybody to hell and purgatory because YOU can't accept your own mistakes and bad choices. you're here forever!

anyway. ACROSS THE SPIDER-VERSE. U guys. The sheer commitment to vision... AS USUAL. I was sooo scared i wouldn't like this sequel... there were definitely parts that outstayed their welcome imo but i really love love love how everything in these movies is tied so fully to CHARACTER... like despite the fact that this is the first half of a two-parter and it ends on a cliffhanger, there were still distinctly developed character arcs that really felt at least partly resolved (gwen returning to her father she's been running away from the whole movie and finally reconciling, and miles actually working up the resolve to tell his mother the truth--it's just that it happens to be in a different universe lol). and btw that alternate universe concept... I'm DEADDD like this is seriously the narrative stuff of my dreams. i also just rewatched itsv with my sis and am looking forward to rewatching atsv with her in a couple of weeks :D

did u guys kno i watch television.

SUCCESSION: i'll be honest--i think the overall tom/shiv trajectory could have hit me harder but their scenes in the latter half of the season did not really... get me... personally... but maybe it'll cohere better on rewatch idk. But i am notorious tomshiv--hmm lover is not the right word? what's the word for someone having the time of their life watching a forest fire, but also kinda perishing in that fire themselves? And i felt like their scenes in the latter half of the season felt a little disjointed or just too messy for their final ending to really feel earned... like i keep thinking it could have come together in a much stronger way and i hate it whenever i have that thought about an objectively strong ending lol.

but yeah no words to describe how SICK i was at the "hug"/wound reopening scene............... also the way i can be grinning like an idiot at the beach/kitchen scene and then 15 minutes later wanting to die. jesus. The ending is fine and objectively fitting but i do think the feeling of it all missed me a bit... like afterward i was kind of just like Ok. and moved on lol... i keep thinking about s3 finale that made me literally scream and get up from the couch and pace around and immediately rewatch it again... fair enough for an ending tho

BARRY: Watching this finale the day after succession finale might've killed me. this season has been pretty wtf but like. It's literally barry i guess. and i was uncertain/unconvinced at some points but i really liked the finale for what it was... Like it was horrible and horrifying don't get me wrong, but again it's literally barry. on this subject i saw a text post that was like "people who are underwhelmed by the barry finale... Wow it's almost like it's a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing" and it's been literally stuck in my head ever since LOL

more s4 thoughts

• I'm sooooo upset about NOHO HANK like damn it really ended this way huh... i mean he's obviously been dead since you-know-what happened but it's still all so. Argh. his final conversation of denial with fuches almost made me cry lol
• AND FUCHES HIMSELF?! For a guy i veered between not-caring-about and actively-hating during the show how did he steal away with what felt like the most emotionally impactful ending... oh my god.
• my sister and i while loading up the episode: "Huh... this episode's just called Wow. Weird." *later in the episode* "Oh. I see."
• sally... :( sarah goldberg is absolutely the standout of the entire cast btw.
• jaeden martell playing bill hader's son was so hilarious. They did that for me

lastly... rewatched and caught up with TED LASSO randomly. i do think it's crazy they expanded the episodes to be an HOUR LONG like i think that was actually detrimental to the show for the most part, bc y'know a show like this hits better in smaller doses. but it's a pretty casual watch for me and i don't really care that much

s3 thoughts

• they really did not know what to do with keeley this season and it sucked lol
• kind of the same with rebecca tbh but at least she got, like. somewhat momentous-feeling scenes
• they seriously milked jamie/roy/keeley so hard lmfaoo. It's true we do eat that up with a spoon i suppose
• anyone else literally scream at the DOOMED - MOSES SUMNEY needledrop that came on at 6am as i was getting ready for work with this playing in the bg? no? just me? ok. That said considering the context of its usage they really did not get it 😭
• it's true that they fumbled the ball completely on what had the potential to be the most interesting storyline, aka NATE. Like wow sorry all u got was random gf plot device and all your important development offscreen for some reason. like the guy quits west ham offscreen, returns to richmond offscreen, what the hell even is the POINT?!
• That said the episode where he quits his job and goes home and shuts himself in his room and only leaves when his parents are out to look at old photo albums and dig through old nostalgic belongings in the attic was so freaking real... Like don't talk to me unless you too unearth the instrument you played in your childhood and play it only because you think your parents aren't around to hear you and immediately stop when you find out one of them is. And every stupid little problem you have truly is as myopic and self-absorbed and redundant as that.

playing

yeah i started playing hsr. insufferable gacha talk incoming >>> i am seele gepard silver wolf and (unbuilt) e1 himeko haver... assigned seele main when i got her at literally 14 rolls ^__^ anyway got up to 70 pity on the jy banner rolling for tingyun eidolons and only got one (1) single tingyun. then won the 50/50 on silver wolf immediately, then kept rolling for serval cons but only got dan heng and asta and then HIMEKO at 30 pity... so now i gotta save this guaranteed... sorry serval. idrk who i want next like i really need another healer but blade looks cool as hell i won't lie. i also want YANQING but am resigned to never getting him lol

finally 3-starred all of forgotten hall today after upgrading some relics... moc is not happening until i get to eq4 though. Unfortunately i'm literally level 49 with no quests remaining so. "teams" are fire!MC asta sw seele + gepard nat tingyun serval... everyone's in fairly good shape (except my underleveled asta) but nat's kinda wasted on team 2 bc my gepard can't get shield back up again fast enough... again i really need another healer lol

listening

added this section just to say fromis_9... i haven't liked one of their cbs since FUN tbh but this album is soooo good and ATTITUDE is everything!!!

Watch on YouTube

reading

finished DUNE. every time i watch an adaptation first and then read the source material it inevitably complicates my feelings on the adaptation.... see also HAUNTING OF HILL HOUSE, which to be fair was a far more egregious case because it felt like the guy really stole from and shit on the original rather than "adapted"... no i'm still not over AND WHATEVER WALKED THERE, WALKED TOGETHER 😭😭😭 you're a hack!!!!!! ok. i digress. scenes in the book did end up carrying so much more weight, also i have to laugh in hindsight at the movie scene of leto telling paul it's ok if he never becomes a leader or whatever like that's a very cute and touching father-son acceptance scene you added in there... you totally made that up though LOL. very surprisingly teared up at hawat's final scene in the book, though i'm not sure i'll be able to say the same for when i watch pt 2 because um he's barely anything in the movie... that said i've always enjoyed the movie for the vibes and that's still true. impeccable vibes truly.

also read CALLING A WOLF A WOLF, my poetry collection for the month, on the literal last day of the month, also the only book i ended up reading from my library loans... pls clap. kaveh akbar i would read your grocery lists. standouts for me were AGAINST HELL and WILD PEAR TREE, still.

i am currently 35% into SHE WHO BECAME THE SUN... again why do i not read more fantasy i literally love fantasy. That said... i'm not sure the characters in this book are strong enough for me so far? i wish there was more on the political machinations/worldbuilding? we'll see though

writing

yeah pretty bad for the most part. but i did sign up to write for a fanzine for the first time ever! and the pitch i was most excited about was accepted and i've already outlined + begun writing :] it's gonna be so fun... my orv gsnk wip very much kills in certain ways but at the end of the day it's still a hs au and doesn't really hit my NEEDS of writing life-or-death mortal peril dead-voiced doomed shit.